Leading with Love

Women in leadership roles are often met with a complex set of expectations. We should be strong, but not too strong, or you get labeled difficult, a bitch, etc. If we show too much empathy or cooperate too much, we are considered weak. Sometimes we try to diminish our femininity in order to be taken more seriously in the workplace, politics, or as public figures. And sometimes it backfires miserably.  

What if we as women decided to reject these rigid notions of who we are and aren’t, and what we can and cannot accomplish? Just as we won the right to vote, burned bras, and continued to push for equal pay and other rights, we can shift the conversation about who women are in leadership, and own our unique strengths that make us better leaders.  

We are in the midst of another revolution. Women are coming into their own in new ways. In 2018 women all over the country took a stand and ran for office, many for the first time. And history was made, including many who won seats owned by long-time political insiders.  

Now is a great opportunity for us to further embrace our femininity as leaders. Women leaders are known to be more practical, more reasonable, and more willing to look at both sides. Being able to admit when you're wrong is a valuable trait. Being willing to look at another person's point of view before stubbornly forcing your agenda is a skill that is an important skill in diplomacy, negotiations and management.  

The world needs more love, and it will make you a more effective leader.  

I decided to focus this month on how to lead with a love. That may seem a bit off topic for leadership but I assure you that it is not. One thing the world could use right now is more love. I’m not referring to the romantic love of school girl crushes and romance novels. Love is a powerful tool. It’s not just a sentiment, but a powerful force for good. It can change hearts and minds and win people over. 

• Love sees the glass as half full and not half empty.  
• Love sees the best in people around them and encourages differences of opinion and different viewpoints. 
• Love embraces diversity of all kinds, including race, gender, age, marital status and sexual orientation.  
• Love believes that everyone matters. Everyone gets to play.  
• Love recognizes that no voice is too small or insignificant to be heard.  

Today, too many leaders belittle certain people and trample over their rights, their opinions and their worth. Embracing love starts with the premise that everyone has value, regardless of where they appear on the organizational chart, who they love or the color of their skin. Love sees the value of a myriad of voices at the table. Sometimes those who are the youngest or the oldest are discounted or seen as either inexperienced or out of step with today’s ways of doing things. Embrace each person, even if they have vastly different or unpopular points of view. Sometimes those perspectives are important to challenge the status quo, and helps make sure that we aren't settling for the path of least resistance. Differences allow more opportunity for introspection, growth and innovation.  

Love as a management tool. 

Managers who lead with love are inspiring because they know how to bring out the best in their people. They value them for who they are. They don't try to belittle them, talk down to them, or shut them out of information or decision loops. Love seeks win/win solutions, and doesn't think that in order to win, someone has to lose. This is abundance in action.  

Leading with love also means recognizing the value of self-love and self-care. Leaders who master this know how to provide the same care and consideration for themselves as they share with others. They do not allow themselves to get burnt out by working themselves to the bone and struggling to prove themselves. They don’t try to live up to impossible standards, even when they set those standards upon themselves.  

Those who lead with love see potential rather than lack of experience. They can spot a diamond in the rough, and may choose to invest in the buffing, polishing and shining required to make what seemed like a lump of coal transform into a valuable asset, sparkling with brilliance and potential, who can make amazing contributions and set a path for a bright future for themselves.  

Love does not seek to aggrandize themselves at the expense of their peers or people they manage. Love does not walk around puffed up and with a me 1st agenda. Love shares the spotlight, and allows others to shine and grow, and experience the feeling of accomplishment of a job well done.  

Love encourages rather than puts down. Love models the way and does not beat people up for doing something wrong. When someone makes a mistake, love helps to show them the way compassionately and uses that opportunity as a teachable moment. It’s more effective to use just and appropriate correction for wrongdoings, to help people grow from something that they did wrong or lapses in judgment. 

In closing, I hope you will see how embracing love as a management principle can help you to grow and excel and to lead your teams even more effectively and to allow other people to grow and prosper and thrive under your leadership.  Embrace your femininity proudly. Try some of these practices and see how your team responds!