In a recent interview with Jay Shetty’s “ On Purpose ” podcast , former First Lady Michelle Obama shared profound insights on nurturing relationships and continuing personal growth throughout life’s journey. With over 30 years of marriage under her belt and a wealth of life experience in the public eye, Mrs. Obama’s wisdom provides a guiding light for all of us seeking meaningful connections and self-improvement.
The Power of Community
As Mrs. Obama explains, surrounding yourself with a strong community of family and friends serves as an anchor against losing your way when fame or success comes calling: “One of the things that Barack and I, we always talk about, is that we’re proud of the fact that we’ve kept our community, people that we’ve known all our lives are still a part of that community that keeps us solid and keeps us whole and grounded.” She emphasizes being intentional about these relationships and constantly working to cultivate them. Your community is the kitchen table you can come home to, where you’re embraced for who you are.
Recognizing Relationships Change
Mrs. Obama is quick to dismiss fairytale notions of marriage, stating bluntly: “I don’t want people looking at me and Barack like hashtag couples goals. No, no, there are some broken things that happen even in the best of marriages.” She acknowledges the natural ups and downs, and that even long-term couples continue to make mistakes. Sustaining the relationship is about the daily choice not to give up when the road gets rocky. Letting go of expectations that your partner can or should fulfill every need frees you both to show up more fully as yourselves. Different personalities and interests are inevitable and can be welcome sources of complementarity rather than conflict so long as you communicate openly.
The Practice of Relationships
In Mrs. Obama’s words, “That’s the practice of relationships...And after 31 years, we’re getting better at it. And it gets better and better and better.” Compassion, empathy and maturity are honed through the inevitable missteps of relating. Letting small slights go instead of keeping score avoids accumulating “enough arguments...for a decade.” A quick apology for saying something you didn’t mean goes a long way. Routinely checking in makes space to address issues before disconnect festers. Remembering why you chose this person helps reaffirm shared values during trying times. Essentially, nurturing relationships is a skill to continually develop, not a box you tick and move on from.
Cultivating Maturity in Communication
When asked about going high instead of low during disagreements, Mrs. Obama framed it as “the mature way to live” and “the mature way to get the message across.” She explains the difference between leading with raw emotion versus channeling that passion toward a greater purpose: “My passion is meaningless if my husband can’t hear me, if I’ve hurt his feelings in the process.” Tempering the intensity of your feelings with empathy and focusing on where you want the interaction to go demonstrates emotional intelligence and leadership capability.
As a leader under the microscope, Mrs. Obama learned the hard way that you may need to adjust your approach not to compromise your truth, but to ensure your truth gets through. During her husband’s campaign, when accused of not loving America, she initially wanted to quit. But she realized that would essentially allow the distortions to win. Instead, she concluded: “I have to be more strategic than they are about how I deliver my message. I have to be authentic, but I also have to be careful.” Your personal emotions still deserve acknowledgment, just not always as the leading foot forward, especially when you have power and influence.
Owning Your Story
Ultimately, the Obamas’ resilience as a couple and family comes down to staying rooted in their identity throughout the storms, as Mrs. Obama affirms: “That was our values, our compassion, our smarts, our strategy that got us through.” The White House reveals rather than changes your core as pressures test you. She adds proudly: “I’m so proud of my husband, the way he led, the way his administration worked, the team that we built.” Holding firm to your truth is key, while also refining how you express and wield that truth.
Lifting the Next Generation
When asked about her desired legacy, Mrs. Obama focuses first on impacting youth: “I hope that my legacy is creating a stronger foundation for young people.” Kindness and compassion should extend to all children, guiding them toward seeing value in themselves. Yet she recognizes: “With one word, we can change a kid’s life, we can lift them up. But that same, the wrong word can crush them forever.” As a leader, she therefore emphasizes going high, resonating with “reason and compassion and empathy.”
If we all nurture relationships with maturity and care, while working to lift up those following in our footsteps, imagine how different society would look. Michelle Obama’s wisdom presents a vision we would emulate well.
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