How To Stop Being a People Pleaser at Work

Helping others is an admirable quality but has someone ever called you a people pleaser at work? While there is nothing wrong with helping others, you might observe that you have a bigger workload than others. Since accepting others’ work, spending time and energy on boosting the team's morale, and caring deeply for one’s company are termed people-pleasing behavior; most people might see nothing wrong in it. While they are all positive attributes, they can hurt your career and life. People pleasers are often so concerned with being liked that they lose sight of who they really are. Learn how to stop being a people pleaser and turn your 'yes' into a 'no'.

For example, you might agree to work late nights to cover for your coworkers. It can make you feel overworked and overwhelmed, leading to frustration and burnout. Therefore, stop being a people pleaser at work or anywhere else. While most people may find it difficult to stop people-pleasing habits, here are a few tips that can help you.   

Set Up Boundaries 

You must be clear about your limits to establish well-defined boundaries. Only then can you communicate them to others. You must be clear and specific about what you are willing to take on. If somebody asks for too much, tell them it is not something you are willing to do.  

You can also establish boundaries in other ways to control your people-pleasing behavior. For example, entertain phone calls only at certain hours. You must also let others know you are available only for a specific time. This allows you to control the things you are willing to do and when you are willing to do them.   

Start Small 

You may have been a people pleaser for a long time, and it can be difficult for you to change suddenly. In some cases, you need to restrain yourself and let others know your limits. Hence it is better that you start with small changes. You can start by saying no to the more minor requests, asking for the things you need, or expressing your opinions about any trivial matter. You can practice this in different settings and situations, like talking to any salesperson, ordering at a restaurant, and even dealing with coworkers.    

Establish Goals and Priorities 

You must have a clear idea about the goals you are trying to accomplish. If you are aware of your priorities, it can help you determine whether you have the time or energy to do something else or not. If something takes too much of your time and energy, you must address it. Once you are used to setting boundaries and saying no to undesirable things, you will discover more time for things that matter to you.  

Read Also: What Are SMART Goals?

Stall For Time  

If you find people asking you for any favor, tell them you need time to think about it. If you say yes immediately, it may make you feel obligated and overcommitted. However, taking time to respond to any request can give you the time to evaluate it. You can also decide whether it is something you want to do. According to research, even a short pause before making any decision increases your decision-making accuracy. Therefore, by stalling for time, you can accurately decide if you have the time and desire to take it on.  

Evaluate the Request 

If you are wondering how to stop being a people pleaser, you might want to evaluate if people are taking advantage of your generosity. Try to find out if the people who ask you for help are willing to help you. Or whether people ask you for favors just because you cannot say no? You might want to assess the situation if you feel that you are being manipulated. Take time to evaluate the request and decide how to handle it. If someone insists on helping them, try to be firm and clear.    

Stop Making Excuses 

You must develop the habit of being direct while saying no. Do not make excuses for your inability to do the work. If you start explaining why you cannot do something, others might try to go around your reasons. By describing yourself, you also allow them to adjust their request. Try to use a decisive tone when you are declining the request. Also, avoid adding unnecessary details about your reasons.   

Relationships Require to Give and Take 

All healthy relations involve a certain amount of reciprocity. In any relationship, if the first person is always giving and the second person is always taking, there is a chance that the first person is going out of his way to ensure that the second person gets whatever he wants. This is one of the critical attributes of people-pleasing behavior. Even if you enjoy helping others, you also get something in return.     

Help If You Want To  

You do not have to become heartless to stop people pleasing. Being kind and thoughtful are desirable qualities that create strong and lasting relationships. The key, however, is to analyze your intentions and motivations. It would help if you did not do things only because you want others’ approval or fear rejection. Try to help but on your terms.    

Knowing how to stop being a people pleaser is about being firm in your decision-making. You need to develop the habit of standing your ground. Once you let others know they can no longer take advantage of your generosity, you will witness a newer dimension of those around you.