Struggle-a-Holics Are Us

In a world where everything is available, in just about any color, and where you have access to the other side of the planet with just the click of a key, why is it that so many feel of us feel are though we are stuck? And, to quote what several of my clients have asked me repeatedly over the years; “Why does it feel like nothing is working. What’s wrong with me?” 

In my humble opinion there is nothing more quietly devastating then feeling like there is something wrong and you just can’t put your finger on it. Or, and I think this is worst of all, that whatever you can’t put your finger on has you believing that there is something wrong with you. I’m not talking about when you have the misfortune of being under the weather, or worse, having a significant health challenge, rather I’m talking about that deep embedded place of doubt, that we all try to pretend isn’t really there. But, we all know it intimately because in the middle of the night when all the distractions are finally put away it’s the voice that leaks into our minds, sneaks into our dreams and wakes us up wondering if we really know what we are doing, because if we did, would we really be struggling? 

Struggle seems to be a part of life. Indeed, perhaps even a part of human nature. It happens all the time and all around you and me. Not only that, it is reinforced continually by endless conversations about how hard things are and the possibilities that they will only get worse! Think of struggle like an age-old family tradition that has been passed down through generations. This would allow struggle to become so natural it would literally begin to feel like that’s just how it is, and that’s simply the way things go. It’s to be expected right? 

If this is how struggle is perceived and received then a statement like; hard work is the only work that counts, can easily become the creed that you live by, without even realizing it. And while there can be a lot of rewards that come to those who work hard, it is not the ultimate formula for success. How many people do you know that work really hard just to keep up? And in the face of this belief how many feels that if something comes without struggle, but rather with some level of effortless ease, it is somehow not worth celebrating? Allow me to put a different spin on effortless ease if I may cease this moment and that is that in truth when something comes to you with some degree of effortless ease it could be recognized a significant sign that you are on the right track. 

Struggle is tricky it sneaks into everything you do and slowly convinces you that it is simply part of the process. This might be ok if it just stayed on the outskirts, but it doesn’t. It tends to permeate just about every experience, in ever increasing doses, until everything feels hard and, in some cases, things become so hard it feels like quitting is the only option.  

Struggle doesn’t just apply to your work reality; it also applies to relationships on every level. It can make a loving relationship become one filled with doubt where there deserves to be trust and that almost insures that happily ever after remains an elusive fairytale.  

It can have dominion over your health and wellness, how about that weight you’ve been trying to get rid of that never really goes away? It can overwhelm you in situations where you deserve to shine, and stop you from engaging in life in ways that you may not notice at first, until one day you wake up realizing your nowhere near where you thought you’d be.  

From almost our first breath, struggle is introduced to our minds as a way of life. As if it is the secret ingredient that paves the path to our future. It is spoon-fed to us one bite at a time, when the adults in our lives practice their struggle addictions, without consciously knowing it, in front of us. I’m not blaming here because I promise if they had known what they were doing, they would not have done it, and I’m pretty certain if they had known how, they would have let go of struggle a long time ago.  

Best advice on this matter, becoming a recovering struggle addict! Start to listen to how you really feel things have to go. That’s right I said, “feel” in order to understand where the struggle is originating from and then give a great gift to yourself, permission to do it differently. Understand, it is safe to change this belief, and it is amazing to give yourself permission to consider that a life with a lot more effortless ease in it is possible.  

You are capable of more than you know!